Even as I typed my last post, celebrating the healing that has been given to my sister in law, my mind was never far from those who remain in the midst of suffering. There are so many people who do not get their miracles in this life. Pain, be it physical, emotional, or spiritual, abounds in this world.
Some of you know of the spiritual journey that I have been on for the last year and a half, some of you do not. For those of you who don't know what happened, tragedy struck close to home when friends of ours very suddenly lost their young son. I have been angry with God. I have questioned why he allows so much pain in this world. I have wondered how good he could really be if he is capable of stopping the hurt and yet chooses not to do so.
Slowly, very slowly, I am re-learning the character of God. The lessons ingrained during my childhood have whispered truth to me in my pain and questioning. I remember that God hates the sin and pain that fill our world and that in his perfect time he will restore creation to what he intended it to be. I have come to peace with the fact that God will carry me through the hard times without necessarily delivering me from them entirely. I have come to terms with submitting to his sovereignty. I can clearly see his hand moving to guide the circumstances of our family's life. I am grateful for his provision.
What I had forgotten was that there is this whole other dimension to God's character. That he is merciful, powerful, loving, and kind. I had forgotten that he might reach out and grant beautiful and miraculous healing. I had forgotten the power of prayer.
There are still many questions, many hurting people. I don't ever want to make light of that fact. For now though, in the midst of my questioning, I am finding tremendous joy and peace in rejoicing with my sister and rediscovering my saviour in this new light.
How could I not sing his praise?
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1 comment:
I hear you! Thanks so much for sharing your feelings through your trials.
Last night I was reading a book and this part really struck me (warning: kinda long)...
"During the past I have faced a baffling challenge that has tested my faith and my spiritual mettle all over again. I've worked and fasted and pleaded for help. But the answers haven't come easily or quickly. At times things have looked hopeless-until I have asked myself one question: "Sheri, do you believe the Lord will help you, or don't you?"
That question always stops me short. Because I do believe. I believe He will help me because He always has. He hasn't always given me everything I've prayed for-far from it-but He has never let me down. He always helps me and gives me what I need. And every time I undergo another divine tutorial, it increases my reservoir of faith for the next challenge. As hard as it is, I am grateful every time my faith is stretched, because only if our testimony of Jesus Christ penetrates every aspect of our lives will we be able to do what we have come here to do." (No One Can Take My Place, Sheri Dew)
I feel slammed and wonder why I've been required to live like this for this past year. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm experiencing the refiners fire and it won't be the last one I experience either, but I'll come out stronger and better with more resolve to be the woman God knows I can be and is preparing me for.
Thanks again for sharing! It really helps me.
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